QUESTION: "Can you release my band's shitty basement recording on cassette tape?"

ANSWER: 1) We only release death metal and death metal-affiliated subgenres. Don't even bother reaching out if you play a genre outside of that. 2) If you don't know how to play your instruments, write a memorable song, or draft a legible email, please don't waste my time. 3) If you play death metal, think you'd fit on the roster, and have a recording you want me to hear, please email it to [email protected] - send along any other pertinent info, as well. If I don't reply, it's best to assume that it's a no from me, dawg. Nothing personal. I just have very specific preferences and I'm trying to cultivate a roster that reflects that.

QUESTION: "Where is my package? Tracking hasn't updated in 4 days."

ANSWER: Your guess is as good as mine. I am not privy to any special insight that you can't see yourself by looking on the USPS website. If you ordered media, it's likely your package was shipped via USPS Media Mail. It is the most affordable shipping method. That being said, the tracking is unreliable and the delivery time can be slow. They estimate an 8 day delivery time from time of shipment, but in my experience that's a best case scenario. It is best not to worry about it truly being missing unless it hasn't arrived in 30 days. At that time, if you truly believe it is lost, please file a Missing Mail Claim via the USPS here: https://missingmail.usps.com/

QUESTION: "My package arrived and it looks like the mail man took a shit on it and then ran it over with his van. Can you send me a replacement?"

ANSWER: I try to pack everything really well, but from time to time a disgruntled postal worker decides to take out their frustration on a package. I'm a sympathetic dude; hit me up at [email protected]

QUESTION: "Do you trade?"

ANSWER: Yes, I love trading. Hit me up at [email protected] and I'll send you my list. If you're looking for a wholesale list, I can provide that too.

QUESTION: "What is the greatest death metal band of all time?"

ANSWER: Autopsy. Duh.